Fifty Shades of Grey or Fifty Shades of Fucked up, the Movie.

50-shades-of-greyYesterday it happened:I went to watch Fifty shades of Grey with a girlfriend. In my defence, I didn’t plan to go watch the movie, but it happened for my friend to call and me to agree, somehow, to go.

We all know the plot, one way or another, and I wouldn’t offend your intellect, and mine for that matter, by digging in too deep into the matter (sic!). Long story short: Rich boy sees timid, virgin girl and gets a fancy on her. Stalking and possessive tendencies are ingrained into him so deep that he has to be close to her in the creepiest of ways. Young, foolish girl without even an email account (according to the book), falls in love with this guy because he’s rich, handsome, and fit as fuck. He specifically says that he doesn’t do romance and isn’t interested in her that way, but wouldn’t mind fucking her and controlling everything in her life through a contract. He then decides to convince her to sign the contract by using alcohol and sex as a persuasive method. Anna still doesn’t sign. Anna falls even deeper in love and he’s even more of an asshole. Anna starts to see that he’s actually not interested in having a normal relationship with her (doh!) and wants to know how badly he can/will/want to punish her. After getting spanked the life out of her she decides that enough is enough and they break up. Meanwhile, he looks like he properly jizzed in his pants.

The movie had more sex scenes that I could count, and I was quite happy that they chose to ignore a particular tampon scene from the book. The movie was greatly better than the book for the simple fact that I didn’t have to hear the inner rantings of Anna and her stupid goddess. My brain would have bled for sure. The movie, just like the book, was just a poor excuse to have porn in the mainstream. I think they did try to salvage the E.L. James writing, but when your plot consists of inner goddesses, lip biting, and sex scenes, there isn’t much to work with. The sex scenes were quite boring, watching cats getting laid would’ve been more interesting than that. Nothing extraordinary and surprising. I got a better sex life than that!

The movie glorifies rich guys with a six pack that can get away with being abusive and coercive. Grey isn’t a dom, he’s just an abusive prick who uses Anna. It was quite funny that when Anna negotiates the contract with him, the subject of how he cobtrols het behaviour isn’t discussed at all, but she does reject anal and vaginal fisting. Are you for real? I do remember that scene when she is having a cocktail with her mum and he just pops in, uninvited, against Anna’s will and forbids her to drink. Bitch please! She hasn’t even signed the contract… He also sells her car without telling her, installs a new computer in her apartment and appears in her house with alcohol and some surprise sex, whilst they were NOT in a relationship and she DIDN’T sign the contract and told him to get a hike. WTF!! If that would’ve been ugly, fat Joe from the hardware store she would’ve called the cops. He even too a biiiiig whiff off her panties! Ewww!!! *puuuuke*

What I did like, was that Rachel Skarsten (known for the role in Lost Girl) had a minor role as an assistant for Mr Grey. That made me squeal in delight as she is an amazing actress. I would’ve loved more screen time with her as she sparkled beautifully. Also, Jennifer Ehle, who played as Elizabeth Bennett had a role as Anna’s mother. For these two ladies I was really excited to see the shades of grey.

Here is the link to the book review I did in 2013 for this book: Fifty Shades of Grey.

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